Wis(e ass)dom: Kissing…and casual sex.
My middle sister sent me a letter recently and of the contents my mother would be oh – so – proud, albeit conflicted:
NO, not because she – or my sister, as the placement of the sticker seems to imply – desires a sampling of my sensual skill set. Yoinks, people. I’m from Wisconsin, not Virginia. And incest aside, innocence inferred:
If only my friend Stacy’s extended family were privy to the manifesto that is my roommate’s and my kitchen wall.
We’re more huggers, the Wienkers, and as my mom has recently become painfully and unavoidably aware of her two oldest children’s propensity towards casual sex, she may very well be wrapping her arms around herself and rocking forward and back as I type.
“You know, I was thinking about that guy,” she started in recently, referencing the sugar daddy of a newer crush I’d made mention of the day before. “He’s had to have been with a lot of people. And you know what they say -”
“What?” I smiled through the phone, already certain of her reply.
“When you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone else they’ve slept with before.”
“Oh – my – GAWD,” I began to cackle. “Not when you wear a condom.”
“What? You kids these days aren’t supposed to be uncomfortable talking about sex with your parents.”
“I’m not embarrassed. But what do you know about casual sex? You got married when you were 18.”
“I have casual sex all the time – in my own bed.”
My guffaws became more boisterous. Most people get squeamish when the topic of their parents’ intimacy arises, not me. I sure don’t want to hear details or suggested positions and technique, but I hope they’re as wild as they ever were. I know I want to be, that I had better be, sexually active until the day my whole body goes stiff.
“I get your point,” my breathing leveled, “I just don’t agree. Not when you use protection.”
“Still, you can’t be too sure where they’ve been.”
“Alright, okay. I’ll take it with a grain of salt – and a condom.”
There was one bit of advice in the conversation, another reference to his exorbitantly wealthy older boyfriend, that did inspire me to think about thinking twice about involvement with the crush in reference.
“Be careful, JJ.”
“What? You mean, because he could have me KILLED?!”
“Well – kind of. You don’t really want to piss him off.”
“Hmm…he is a billionaire. It’d be a lot easier for him to have me taken care of and disposed of, never to be heard from again, than say – a server or some other equally impoverished peer.”
“…Yeah…Be careful. Please.”
Whatever the outcome (shot), she heard it. You read it. And for once, I am grateful for the omnipresence of the Google cache.
Better think twice or more before entering a relationship. If you want to call it a relationship, you don't go after casual sex. Better watch out for yourself so nothing will happen to you.