PG-I’m not 13 anymore.
When I was on the school basketball team in 8th grade, we were all mortified to wear the mandated short shorts that were part of our decades old uniform. Most of us spent more time tugging awkwardly at the hem than we did paying attention to anything else that was happening on the court. Nowagays, however, I would KILL – or at least maim another queen – for those radically retro polyester hot pants.
Such crimes of fassion might be an exaggeration. But like many a homosexual, I leap at any chance I get to flaunt the gams and glutes I weight train so hard to maintain. Thus, in the anticipation of attending my first big gay pool party next weekend, I treated myself to a new, West Hollywood worthy (read: NC-17) swimsuit.
A far cry of “Heeey girl!” from the board shorts I brought with me when I moved to Los Angeles from the Midwest, two years ago.
Unfortunately, I will once again have to drown my sensuality in that excess of water-repellent fabric when I head home to my family’s lakeside compound later this summer. They all love me and support my lifestyle; but regardless of sexual orientation, most anyone is sure to balk at the omnipresent sight of their kin’s bubble butt cheeks, the bottoms of mine which can NOT be contained by my recently acquired second skin.
Well, I guess it could. But only at the expense of exposing my crack. And that – would just be plain distasteful.
Funny… I thought the same thing about those shorts in 6th grade. These days I wear my "Get 'Em Gurl" booty shorts with pride. Gotta show off them assets somehow.