“In adulthood, Mary,” I recently dolled out wisdom to my 19-year-old sister, “nerds make the best people.

“I’MNOTANERD!”

“A nerd, not a dork. Dorks are awkward. Nerds are quirky!”

“I am NOT a nerd.”

“MmmHMM.“

“I’MNOT!”

She’ll come around. Eventually she’ll realize she is a nerd. A nerd in the popular crowd’s clothing. Not to mention, that on top of being wildly successful, well-rounded, and both mentally and sexually stimulating people – most of us former outcasts tend to grow into and develop a better style, anyway.

Cool is relative. Good company is not. And in the end, in every sense, it’s win – win for the losers.

Filed Under: Oh *hey* adulthood., perspective by JJ
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I had a variety of Sarah Jessica Parker’s 2005 Gap ads up on the wall of my dorm room, freshmen AND sophomore year of college.

“I got to thinking…”

Maybe jerking off to all of this gay porn actually means something.

Filed Under: gaydar, perspective, You know how everyone else knew I was gay? by JJ
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“What are you doing tonight?” My friend Liana asked as we left work, yesterday.

“Oh – nothing, really. Going to the gym. Writing. Washing the dishes, probably…not.”

“You should go out and do something. Your hair looks great.”

“Uh! Thank you.” I tittered in delight. “I am stopping at the clinic for a free STD screening on my way home. That’s not too bad of a place to meet men.”

In fact, now thanks to rapid testing, it’s actually pretty smart. No need for prospective partners to worry whether not you’re actually negative when there’s an office full of health care professionals who can vouch for you. Alas, while I’m still clean, there was no one else there with whom I would want to get dirty.

The nurse did say I have, “great veins,” though. “But I bet you get that every time anyone draws blood.”

“True,” I affirmed, “But I’ll always take a compliment!”

And while a phone number would have been nice, after two instances of unsolicited flattery in just as many hours – I was content to go home, read a magazine, and think about cleaning my kitchen.

Filed Under: failed attempt at sexiness, gay high school, perspective, West Hollywood by JJ
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I’m only eating you from the jar because I don’t feel as though the bread is worth the extra grams of sugar.

What? LAZY?! Who the fuck are you to -

Don’t tell me to calm down! Over three million Americans can hardly be in the same room as you, lest their throats close up. You should just be glad I’m consuming you at all.

Oh. OH! Nowww you’re sorry. Well, TOO LATE. Back in the fridge you go.

Filed Under: food for sex, How crazy are YOU? by JJ
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I’m still at the gym 30 minutes before I need to leave for a party on a Saturday night. Damn us gays and our high expectations for one another’s fitness. It might amp up our sex lives, but it really cuts into our public debauchery.

At least we’re more likely to live longer, healthier lives. I guess we can be thankful for that. And maybe our people will become less judgmental the closer we get to being able to retire to a life of leisure in Palm Springs.

Although, for many – that maybe is likely to be as thin as the head to toe linen in which we are all sure to bedizen ourselves.

Filed Under: fitness, gay high school, gaydar, You read it here. by JJ
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