Gay, straight, man, woman – NO ONE should address their lover as “kid” or “kiddo.”
It is not sexy. Not sexy at all. Just all sorts of condescending, with a faiiint smack of pedophilia.
Alternately, however, most everyone will always have a desire to be romanced in Paris. So feel free to channel Bogart in that sense. Surrriously, by all means –
Channel away!
According to my friend, Rebecca, under no circumstance are you to call a woman “girlie.” Nor are you to celebrate any aspect of life with the phrase “cool beans.”
Not if you ever want to flick her bean again.
Rebecca may be but one voice, but it is not far-fetched to hypothesize that many of her hip, young, sexy and intelligent peers will concur – in the comments section, below.
So stick with me, dudes who likes dames…
And I’ll do my part to keep you inside both their hearts and straight ‘n’ narrows.
And he’ll spend the rest of the day bitching about how he feels as fat as a moose.
We’ve all heard it before. We’ll all hear it again:
“I’m not in a place right nowww…where I can be in a relaaationnnshiiip.”
UHHCK! Chill out, mother fuckers. Yes, we are excited by the introduction of you into our lives. But we’re not trying to hog tie you into matrimony anytime soon. Heck, most of us aren’t even gunning for an exclusive relationship. Not for a month or three, at least.
Jumpy bastards. Everyone’s so G-d skittish. Why? Because they let someone else or several someone elses in first and they fucking fucked ‘em the fuck up, that’s why.
They shattered their trust, their confidence, and their sense of self. Damaging them to the point where they aren’t sure if they’ll ever be able to love again. Or that love even exists.
It’s tragic. It’s heartbreaking. It inspires a desire to inflict physical pain upon those sons and daughters of bitches who got there before us and took the opportunity for granted.
We would never disrespect them like that. NEVER. We – are also a bit annoyed.
Why did they have to be such a horrible judge of character? Why did they let that person or those people treat them like such shit for so long? Forget their virginity, why didn’t they save their PSYCHE?
Because. Because at one point in their interpersonal lives, they too were willing to open themselves up and take a chance with their hearts. And if it happened once, it will happen again.
Their cynicism will fade. They will realize that love does exist. And then – and maybe only then – will we thank those assholes for breaking our crush down so he or she could build themselves back up into the best person and half of a couple we know they can be.
It is the informed consensus of marine ecologists around the globe that overfishing is the single biggest threat to the health and sustainability of our oceans.
A fact supported by a plethora of credible. orgs, a concern rarely disputed by anyone but the likes of those in denial of global warming – resolving this issue is a cause that we had all best promote. And quick.
Thankfully, however, there are plenty of proverbial fish in the sea. In fact, considering the abundance of available ass, it would not be far-fetched to hypothesize that the dating pool is consistently underfished.
“Well I’m fucking TRYING,” many singles may retort, aloud. “Gawd damn it, am I trying.”
Alright. Okay. Settle down. Most of us in the ‘unattached’ demographic do understand the importance of making ourselves actively available. That only by opening up our hearts and minds and schedules to new ideas and new adventures will we have the opportunity to meet the greatest assortment of people with whom we may align almost perfectly.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is that even when we readily embrace the necessities of productive dating, we tend to remain exponentially more desperate to get back out of the current. Thus, the moment someone in this higher class of potential prospects accepts our offer of dinner, dessert, and doggie style – we often glom onto them like a limpet, transporting ourselves from the water fresh with options and into the limited confines of a fishbowl.
There we languish with the idea of them. Lusting after this creature that, usually, we don’t yet know all that much about. And because all we can truly see is our infatuation magnified in the reflection of the glass, they grow from reasonably eye-catching goldfish to magnificent, full-sized MERFOLK.
Perhaps they could be our merperson, eventually. A metaphor meant to signify the magnitude of the catch, not ascribe mythological status to the mature, emotionally evolved and highly compatible lover. But it is just as likely that each new crush will reveal themselves to be the human equivalent of a Siamese fighting fish – aggressive, occasionally self-destructive, and territorial – or a gloomy guppy who needs time to float alone near the coral castle while he or she focuses on themselves.
Regardless, few relationships can thrive under such an intense and isolated focus. We must give one another room to breathe and space to appreciate what the other can bring to the tank. In doing so, we are not required to date other people, but…WHY NOT?
No matter how much tail we do or do not reel in at once, no matter how many duds we will inevitably have to flush – there is definite joy and certain enlightenment in exploring the sea around us before that freedom is gladly forgone.
© 2010 JJ Wienkers. All Rights Reserved.
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