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JJ Wienkers » adult recess

Curiassity.

“I have to ask…” an opposing dodgeballer began, engaging with me for the first time at GYM bar Tuesday night.  “Is that your real butt?”

“What?” I laughed, “Of course.  What else would it be?”

“We,” she motioned to the gay boi standing beside her, “thought you might be wearing padded underwear or something.”

“Nope.  Alllll me,” I cocked my hip to the right and made mah booty POP out even further.  “You can touch it if you’d like.”

“Ooo!  Yes, please!” They each grabbed a cheek.  “Oh!  Oh yeah. That’s real.  Real nice!

Mmmhmmm.  You bet yo’ own asses it iz.  Because – booty and mind, heart on and soul – with me, what you see is always what you get.


Come out, cum in.

“If JJ weren’t gay, he’d be the hottest guy here,” a straight male dodgeballer admitted to two of my friends, last season.

Naturally, they ran over and told me immediately.

“What?” I was perplexed, but not offended.  “That doesn’t even…What?”

However nonsensical, no supposedly heterosexual man or woman talks about someone of the same sex in that sense unless they have their eye pressed up against the keyhole of the closet door.

Yet, as any homosexual will tell you, coming out is an exceptionally unique and personal process.  High school bullies are bound to try to expedite it through force and ridicule.  And well-meaning friends and family may attempt to usher us along with thinly veiled references to the levels of support we can expect to receive.  But no matter the deluge of derision or compassion, it is only after we accept ourselves that we may finally move forward.

Once he takes a step in that direction, I’ll surely be open to letting him take me every which way.  Judging from the paperback romance novel-worthy superlatives I have already heard ascribed to his South Pole – I would be remiss not to.

Consider it research for my own salacious literary endeavors.

You’re welcome.


You know how everyone else knows I’m gay, now? 1:5

I wear cologne to play organized sports.

Even when they take place outdoors and the scent of sunscreen will most certainly overpower that which is manufactured by Gucci or my own sweat glands.

A boi’z gotta do what he can if he wants to Capture more than just the Flag.


Butt, duh.

A proficient gambler, my friend Josh is always looking to raise the stakes. So naturally, at the bar after dodgeball last Wednesday, he suggested spankings as an added incentive – along with mass drunkenness – to winning each round of flip cup.

Yes, spankings. And not just the standard hand-to-ass slap one might normally see exchanged between athletes. Not even close.

While we all enjoy the post game beer binges as much as the sport that brings us together, we dodgeballers are a horde of aggressively competitive and borderline sexually deviant freaks. Thus, each time victory was secured, the losing side would bend over as the winners picked up the collection of metal spatulas that Happy Endings normally allocates for the safe and easy distribution of their discounted pizza and pitcher combo.


Squeals, squeaks, and yelps mingled with the unforgiving SMACK of stainless steel against thinly veiled flesh. Yet, I myself did not contribute to the cacophony. I didn’t even flinch.

“I’m sorry?” I glanced back over my shoulder, grinning devilishly, “Was that supposed to be painful?”

No one was really surprised. It doesn’t take more than one glance to infer that this pert ‘n’ plump ass o’ mine can handle some heat. Although, let me be clear, boiz: S&M; is NOT a fetish to which I subscribe. About an unnamed friend of mine, however, the same cannot be said.

Boy? Girl? I won’t spill. But they were also present. And had anyone been playing close enough attention, the soundless smirk that tugged at their lips as paddle met cheek would have come as a shock.

Just goes to show, that it really is the quiet ones with the riding crops under their beds.


It’s easy when I’m not.

When meeting and mingling with new people, few are bound to snub an extended hand and a smiling, “Hi! I’m JJ.” But tack on a “Wanna fuck?” – or even a more tasteful, but equally intentional request – and you’d be surprised how many balk at the offer.

Gay men included.

Thus, I have decided to reign in that (s)excessively aggressive aspect of my social approach as we begin the second season of the West Hollywood Dodgeball league. For several, nay, a few, alright, a couple, okay, OKAY – the first official week.

Maybe.