Never feel sexier…
Than when I’m masturbating in the middle of the afternoon whist wearing both my glasses and retainers.
MMM.
-
|
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Morning would.
“Did I have SEX?!”
“Nooo,” my neighbor began to laugh, “do you have snacks?”
“Ohhh,” I looked down at the two Cheesecake Factory boxes I had set down on my stoop so I could lock my front door. “Ha! Yes.”
Shaking her head, “Monday morning and already your brain goes right there…”
Goes there? Oh girl – would that it ever left.
To myself on Valentine’s Day.
Rosebuds are red,
but your balls will NOT be blue,
because tonight
– every night –
you at least
have
you.
How Not To Delude Yourself Into Believing That Your Next-door Neighbor’s Apartment Is NOT Haunted.
Maybe she left the TV on to keep her dog company while she’s away for the holidays.
Maybe…uhhh…Maybe it’s the radio?
Or the neighbors across the alley.
YES!
Yes, it’s totally them.
It has to be.
Fuck.
FUUUCK!
Well –
At least she won’t hear my ensuing night terror…
If These Wrappers Could Talk.
Dear burger, fries, and milkshake from last night,
Tell no one what happened between us after I left the bar. Especially not my gut nor my wallet. Okay? Thanks…
Callmethisweekend!
