When I’m in it deep, you can dangle your worm just out of my reach for months and still – I’ll gladly bite.

Just know, though: you’re free to take a pause, wipe your brow, and even fuck someone else; but if you get cocky or overwhelmed and let the line spool back out, chances are high that I’ll snap free and my affection will drift away forever.

Promiscuous though I may appear to be, I don’t love for sport. This heart ain’t for amateurs. If you can remember that, then come on, boiz –

Hook me.

Filed Under: infatuation, love, pursuit of *ME*, You read it here. by JJ
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“Should I message him? No! I shouldn’t. Should I? Ugh,” I dropped my head into my hands, last Monday, as I waited for my friend Liana’s advice on how to move forward after a weekend of particularly lackluster textual responses from one of my latest crushes.

“It is so weird to see you falter,” she shook her head in dismay. “You never falter.”

“It’s just with men. I hate it. IFUCKINGHATEIT!…No, I love it. Oh Gawd,” I began to cackle deliriously. “AHHH! Wha’doIdo?”

“Let him come to you,” she chuckled. “It’s like when I was a kid and my mom told me to do the dishes just as I was about to do them. I’d already planned on it, but then I would get annoyed that she hadn’t given me a chance and I would no longer want to do them.”

“Hmm…” I frowned. “Well, I never want to do any kind of housework, but I guess I see your point.”

“I think the safest and most growing experience for you right now is to allow him the capacity to do them on his own,” Liana continued in her role as Grasshoppah. “Doing them for him or reminding him to do them is just going to set up your entire relationship on a foundation where he’s not learning and not allowed to grow himself.”

As usual, she’s right. Love should never be a chore, but it does take work – on both ends. If I, if any man or woman should ever want to get to a point where we share more than a sexual connection with another person, then we need to learn to be patient and strive for balance.

When applied, this realization is extraordinarily freeing. In worrying less about the degree to which those with whom we are smitten return the favor, we are allowed to take more time to remember what we like about ourselves. So long as this increased self-awareness promotes confidence, not arrogance, it will only serve to further draw in those we desire.

Plus, you know, when we put a personal limit on the number of hours spent cycling through each and EVERY one of their Facebook photo albums, we might finally find some time to do the actual dishes.

Filed Under: Facebook, infatuation, love, Oh *hey* adulthood., perspective, stalkeration by JJ
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Living and lusting amongst the second highest LGBT population in America, determining which of my fellow Los Angelenos on whom I am crushing most can be as hard as an erect cock.

However, my social circles are overlapping at an increasingly velocious rate and clusters of loyalty are beginning to arise. Thus, in order to move forward and explore any mutual infatuation, it appears as though some definitive choices will need to be made. But how am I to choose just one boi from each of these various peripheral friend groups? How will I know I’m making the right choice? How does anyone ever know?

It’s easy, actually. As easy as I surely seem. All I, nay, all everyone in this predickament need do, is close our eyes, rub our stuff, and uhhh – we’ve got an answer:

The first person who comes to mind whilst masturbating.

That is where our truest attention lies.

Filed Under: infatuation, You read it here. by JJ
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It has been said that when the thought of someone suddenly enters your brain, they too are thinking of you. If that’s the case, then – scant virtual interactions aside – there is NO way that the boiz upon whom I am crushing most are unaware of my affections.

I just hope they’re not tearing at their temples and screaming, “GET OUT OF MY HEADDD,” because I am in there morning, noon, and night.

Oops.

Maybe the asylum will allow conjugal visits. Although, if it’s me who put them there…

I’m guessing that they won’t want me to put it anywhere.

Filed Under: dirty talk, fumbled flirtations, infatuation, Sucks for you. by JJ
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Few things in this world strike inordinate fear into my heart. Spiders, wrongful and felonious accusation, and being abducted, held captive, and tortured via a tickling of my private parts. That said, while not quite a phobia, I often worry about accidentally typing the name of one of my many crushes into the status update box instead of the search field, on Facebook.

Sure, most of them are aware of my affections. Yes, I care little for playing mind games. But since graduating from college and moving to Los Angeles, I’ve learned that the majority of men – gay or straight – shirk away from aggressive participants.

Coy works. Coy is dependable. Coy is not:

JJ Wienkers has ogled all of your photos. Every single one. Thrice. He also right-clicks Open Link In New Tab on every obvious male moniker and moderately attractive man’s face that appears on your Wall. He’s as aware of his competition as he is your interests and social activity. He wants you. He wants you BAD. about an hour ago

Thankfully, I’ve yet to hit “Share” instead of “Search.” That would be a tad embarrassing. Mostly, though, I don’t want to expose the depths of my infatuation before I lure them into thinking mutual and indecent exposure was their idea.

Filed Under: Facebook, infatuation, stalkeration by JJ
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