Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney.
Pass. Can you pass? You can’t pass?
I don’t want to play anymore.
Stop saying that you’re not “running to be anyone’s judge” and give a straight answer, already, Monster Bachmann.
“I think my views are clear.” Uh…
You know what, lady? They most certainly are. To those of us who can read between the lines.
And you best believe that every self-respecting gay man and woman and heterosexual ally 18-years-old and above will be doing everything within our legal, voting rights as your fellow Americans to block your potential ascension to power.
Aside from the highest concentration of moderately autonomous and non-homeless CLINICALLY INSANE people – the only other downside I’ve found about frequenting the $0.99 Store is that it appears to be one of the only food retailers left in the first world that sells items full of TRANS FAT.
Who even thinks to look for that anymore? I don’t! It didn’t even cross my mind until after I’d bitten into the little coconut, shortbread devil.
Now…I suppose could have stopped there, spit out that bite, and threw away the package. I suppose I didn’t have to finish that first cookie, much less pick up a second. BUTIDID, alright? I ate two of those heart-clogging, diabetes-prompting, bad cholesterol creating mother fuckers.
And you know what? I kinda liked it.
Only kinda, though. Now, 13 minutes later, I feel like I need to head back to the gym for the second time tonight. And that I took 123 days to a whole year off of my life.
UHHH. GRRR. DAMMIT!
Fucking trans fat, (wo)mannn – it’s the crack cocaine of 2011. Yeah…YEAH! Let’s blame the government:
STEP UP YOUR GAME AND ACTUALLY SAVE THE OBESE, Michelle Obama.